"So if you guys are committed and in a stable relationship, why not just get married?"
Mostly, from Christians who believe that sex before marriage is wrong. Well, be prepared for a long post.
Firstly, let me state that I am not writing this post to justify myself. I personally do not feel like I need to justify myself to anyone. I feel like some people don't understand the reasons why I do some things, and so I am explaining here to them why. Because inevitably it will come up again, and then I can just refer them to this post instead of trying to remember everything. ;)
Point #1. Sex before marriage is wrong.
This statement is right and wrong in every sense. Depending on what you decide "marriage" or "sex" is, yes and no, it can be wrong. Because I loathe believing other people's opinions and strive to only seek what God's opinion is; my thesis on point number one is as follows. My first step in concluding what God's views about sex were, was to look up the word sex in my Strong's Exhaustive Concordance. Love that thing. Use it almost every day. Well, the word sex isn't even in there. So I tried to think of other words the Bible used. Consummate? Nope. Obviously, the word, Know. Benevolence. Cleave. One flesh. Fornication. Adultery. Incontinency. Lasciviousness.
Ironically, NOwhere in the Bible does God teach us that sex is bad or a bad thing. Somehow, over the ages, we have decided this on our own. The part that people misconstrue is commitment. The Bible teaches us that:
- Each partner should partake in sex equally, and that one partner shouldn't be doing all the work. (1 Corinthians 7:3-5). Basically, don't be selfish.
- Marriage is honourable, and the marriage bed undefiled-- but God will judge the whores and adulterers. (Hebrews 13:4) Translated strait from the Hebrew/Greek: Marriage(gamos; wedding) is honourable(yaqar; valuable) and the marriage bed undefiled(tam; complete, perfect)-- but God will judge the whores(zanah; to continually play the harlot(a person who engages in sexual intercourse for money) and adulterers(vonultary sexual intercourse between a married person and someone other than his lawful spouse). Using just the translation: Weddings are valuable, and the marriage bed is perfect, but God will judge the people who have sex for money; and people who cheat on their spouses. While all that is good and true, no where in that verse did it say that marriage was necessary -- only valuable. In other words, looked kindly upon, good for your reputation, etc. Also, undefiled here means complete and perfect; in other words if you aren't married while in a relationship with another person, you aren't complete. Which I totally believe, however never did it say that this was wrong. It only said basically, that there are better things and marriage is the best!
- Genesis 2:24 You know the verse: One flesh is the phrase we will bring out here. The phrase 'one flesh' here means, "United, together, and certain." (Hebrew "echad".) So translated, this verse is saying, "A man shall...cleave unto his wife, and they shall be united."
- 1 Corinthians 7:2, "Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman her own husband." Basically, you don't have multiple partners - threesomes, etc. You have two people, and male and female, in a relationship, equally loving each other. Fornication here means, Greek:Porneia, "Harlotry". So if you're in a relationship having sex with your partner, don't go buying sex from other people. Common sense would say, don't go having sex with anyone for free, either.
- It is God's will that you don't cheat: 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
- If you look at a woman with lust, you've already cheated on your spouse: Matthew 5:28. Here, lust is translated as, Greek:epithumeo "long for, rightfully or otherwise, desire, covet". Let me help you out, lust here is not described as admiring, glancing, or appreciating. You may walk past a model with great legs. And keep walking. And think to yourself what nice legs she had. And move on. And that was it. That is not lusting. Lusting is walking past the model, noticing her legs, and regretting that you were with your current partner because you no longer want your current partner, now you want the model. And the model's legs. Got it?
- 1 Corinthians 7:5, "Defraud ye not one another, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourself to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinecy." I'm going to translate this verse to Greek for us, "Defraud(apo; seperate) ye not one another, except it be with consent for a time, that yet may give yourself to fasting and prayer, and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinecy(akribeia; perfect manner). As we discussed already, a couple should be having sex with only the the two of them, and that is perfect. Here incontinecy means perfect; in other words, "Separate yourselves on for a short period of time in a relationship--and only do it with fasting and prayer, with the intention of coming back together, because you wouldn't want Satan to tempt you to fornicate."
- 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 states that fornicators(harlots, as we already concluded), adulterers(sex outside of a committed relationship between two people), effeminate(soft, gay), abusers of mankind, thieves, covetous, drunkards, revilers(abusive), and extortioners will not go to Heaven. Ouch! That's a lot.
As we have concluded above, Sex is only BAD if you're doing it wrong. Choose a person, stay with that person, don't lust after other people, and be committed to that person.
As for marriage, Marriage (I'm not making this up, it's straight from the Bible!) literally means, Hebrew:onaw, "to dwell together; sexual cohabitation". It also means, Hebrew:halal, "celebrate, commend, shine"; Greek:gamos, "have a wedding"; Greek:ekgamizo, "give in marriage"; Hebrew:laqach, "accept, win"; Greek:deiknuo, "make a show".
So yes, the actual act of living together and having sex means that God sees you as married. Which, if you think about it, is super scary because if you are living together; and not treating each other like spouses... you're doing it wrong.
So, you may ask me, as I stated in the very beginning of this post, "Why not just get married? If you see yourself as married already, why not just go get the paper?"
Well, we could. It would be just that simple. However, we want to plan a big party (oh, 'wedding'), and it takes a lot of planning. So it will take us a while. There's nothing wrong with that. As long as we are abiding by all of the Biblical marital laws and faithful to each other, I really can't see why what we're doing is against God's Word. If we weren't planning on getting married? Yes, that is wrong. But we are.
I am really open. Like, very very open. If you can prove to me via the Word (KJV) that what I'm doing is wrong, please comment or email me! :) I'd love to hear your opinion.
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